Contentment and contemplation 

I’m trying to be content in the moment, to stay focused on the positive side of everything, and to accept that some ideas/things I’ve envisioned for myself may never occur or will stay on hold for now. I’m focused on caring for my needs, and on being the best person I’m capable of being. Accepting these things is necessary to keep moving forward.
At times, it is difficult to maintain that acceptance and stay strong. I am human, and I am a dreamer. I’m always contemplating life, finding creative ideas, and remembering what matters. I want to fall in love, I want security, I envision a less stress impacted life. However, I realize that God knows my purpose and everything plays into that. I am not in control. I’ll keep dreaming, and some will come to fruition, while others may not. I relinquish control of circumstances that I’ve no say in. One day at a time on the path of life.

What matters more?

All we need is more empathy and less conceit. We need to try to put ourselves in other people’s shoes, try to relate on a humane level. Life doesn’t have to be a competition or a debate. What’s wrong with being loving, positive, and compassionate? Why do we always have to be at some kind of war, physical or verbal? I just can’t comprehend that. I know that I want to be treated kindly and with respect. I try to treat others that way as well. There’s a difference between voicing opinions maturely and with consideration, and being a jerk about it. It’s not necessary to be right all the time. Listen to all sides, learn from people who are different from you, use discretion in your words. I simply would like to cultivate more love and peace, less judgement and cruelty. I realize that it’s not an easy world we live in, but it’s up to us to make it better, to do our part in improving things rather than to allow the world to harden our hearts. I believe that, sincerely. No, I’m no Polyanna. No, I’m not perfect. Far from it. I have my shortcomings, too. I still maintain that there is unity where there is love and respect. I won’t stray from that opinion. All I want to do is spread love and kindness, add some positivity and happiness to the world. Are you with me on that? I believe that there is strength in numbers, and I still believe that good overcomes the darkness. I refuse to give up on that. I will continue to do my part, as best as my flawed self can. Will you? 

Remember, You Are Loved. You matter. You can, indeed, impact your world. It’s your choice how you do it.
Tina

Inner search in progress

I’m pondering if I’m being more like Jesus or like the Pharisees in my actions and beliefs. This has nothing to do with any recent events, but it came to my mind as I was soul checking myself this morning. I hope I’m sending out love and acceptance, hope and perseverance, spreading God’s word and love in a way that doesn’t alienate or discriminate. I will not condemn anyone, even if I may not condone actions. That’s not my place. I just want to love others.

Quick Easter Message

Easter is a blessed, happy day. It’s the day Jesus was resurrected. What a beautiful blessing! I know we can often get caught up in the materialism of the holiday. Kids are off enjoying Spring Break, families are celebrating with food and fun. Please remember to take a few moments to truly savor and appreciate the meaning of this day. It’s a day of remembrance and joy, a day to reflect and remember our Savior. Enjoy your holiday, and God Bless You.

Spring announcement

With the spring comes new changes in life. Nothing drastic here, but I am embarking on a new dream, one that I feel confident in pursuing. I’m not planning on achieving my goals within this year, as I have no concrete deadline in place. I’m pursing a passion of mine, something fun, and that is this: I’m planning to write and complete a book or short story. It’s on my terms, and I’ll work as time allows based on my schedule, life needs, etc. Nonetheless, it’s exciting to finally have some other thing to concentrate on than my health or home life. I needed stimulation, and motivation. Now that I’ve committed to doing this, I have to follow through. Go me! 😉

You are loved

You are not alone. You definitely are not the only one who may be going through trials and tribulations in your life. I’m facing them, as are millions of others. It’s a challenge sometimes to keep our eyes on the light ahead when we are encased in darkness. Sometimes our emotions are much too overwhelming for us. How do you choose to cope with your emotions when you are in that position? I, personally, pray and pray more. I try very hard to remain positive, because I truly believe that life is worth living and fighting for. I have to balance my emotions with my common sense. Not an easy task. Another thing that helps me is to encourage and enlighten others. Making other people feel loved and cared for means the world to me. So many people have been there for me over my lifetime. I also remember that I’ve come close to dying more times than I’d care to admit. I have such a greater appreciation for the life I’ve been given. Good and bad circumstances alike.

I’m fortunate to have an amazing group of friends, people I’ve never even met in person, who inspire me everyday. I have made amazing friends over the last year or so. I’m grateful to have my dad and my nephew, no matter how challenging our lives are. I’m grateful to have the ability to pray to my God without persecution. That I have freedoms others may never know. I won’t say that my problems are trivial, they aren’t, but they are manageable. I can deal with them. I want to say thank you to anyone who reads this. Remember these three words: You Are Loved.

Tina

This has been weighing on me

Please, allow to vent as I am quite upset and need to vocalize it. I’m constantly hearing and seeing things about people who are disabled being told to “get a job” or “they don’t deserve assistance. we’re paying for those lazy people”, etc.

This, to me, is infuriating. I worked for 18 years at my job before I was forced to leave. I am disabled. Yes, that’s right. I have numerous health issues, including a wonderful wound on my left leg that has put me in the hospital three times. I have disability income, as I am unable to work a job. I not only lack the physical ability, but the schooling. I have to make do on quite a bit less than you may realize. Now, I paid into the system plenty. I paid taxes, I earned my keep. I would love to be working and earning income. That would be awesome. It’s not fun being home bound. Legally, I am home bound. Other than appointments and the such, I’m not really supposed to be out and about. You won’t find me travelling, at a concert, or even out at a nice restaurant. I can’t afford those things, nor am I really up to doing those things. In addition to numerous physical ailments, I suffer from depression. Is this fun to you? I realize that some people do, indeed, take advantage of the system. Guess what? I am furious about that as well. Do you think it makes it easy on those of us who truly do have issues? Do you think I enjoy being considered “less than”? I don’t. It’s hurtful and unnecessary. It makes my blood boil that the minute someone says they are disabled, they are often ridiculed or insulted. Did you know that many disabilities can’t be seen on the outside? I have internal issues that won’t necessarily show outside of me. Yes, I am fat. I have always been fat. I have some medical issues that make it worse. Yes, some of my issues are my own doing, but I’m making efforts to change those things that I messed up. I own my faults, but I also own my sense of pride. It’s not easy to accept that your life has changed forever, and that you may never regain the full version you used to take for granted. Most of my issues, I can’t control. I have mental issues, depression and such, as well. That is real, my friends. You try to laugh and smile as you watch other people living the life you really want. Then, you try not to feel deep offense at being dismissed and criticized. Do it once. It’s not easy to keep your spirits up and stay strong when everyone wants to point fingers and judge. You don’t know me, my life, what I’m facing each day. That’s for me to deal with. I appreciate those that do try to accept and understand. Thank you for that.

This all being said, I’m determined to keep going forward, in spite of it all. God is my guide, and I trust him with every aspect of my life. I would not be here if God weren’t there. I have amazing physicians who are helping me, I have a family who cares, and good friends who support and love on me. I’m so blessed and fortunate. I suggest we build and carry each other. I suggest we try to remember that not a single one of us is perfect. We all have flaws. We are all struggling in one way or another, no matter how it appears to the rest of the world. I am trying to forgive myself and also to forgive others, who often speak without truly knowing the facts. Assumptions are so foolish, and we can’t begin to really understand unless we open our hearts and minds. Compassion, love, and unity will bring the positive results this world needs. Thank you for allowing me to speak my heart. This blog is not a debate area. I’m just writing my feelings and sharing my input. You are free to comment, whatever you choose, but please remain respectful. God Bless.

December Update

I feel very sick, with what appears to be a head cold that has migrated to the chest. Thank you for the belated Christmas present, body. I really needed this right now. Not.

I hope you all had a very merry holiday. It’s been very simplified around my home these last few years, and I’m fine with that. I’m older now, and the materialism that may have consumed my youth has been replaced with a desire to create love and peace. I need nothing more. I have plenty, and I want to help others rather than accumulate more possessions. This also has a great deal to do with my personal journey with Christ, becoming a more faithful and honorable servant. I feel that my whole perspective has changed immensely, and for the absolute betterment of my soul.

Right now, I’m dealing with noisy, kind of annoying kids infilterating the quiet enjoyment of my day. This coupled with feeling yucky is irritating me to no end. However, I’m certain that eventually this situation will be remedied, and I’ll be restful once more. Patience is not one of my greatest virtues, and I definitely have a long way to go…a long way, indeed.

I hope this post finds you well. Feel free to comment or interact with me at any time. I hope you enjoy reading my blog as much as I enjoy bringing the content to you.

Blessings,

Tina

A little information

I just wanted to give a quick update to you all. Lately, I’ve been pretty focused on some concerning health issues. I was given a source of relief yesterday, ease of mind, but there are still other aspects that I have to give consideration to. I’m doing well, in spite of the many medical battles I’m facing. I believe that God sees us through, but we have to fight hard as well. If you don’t know me, I’ve been in and out of the hospital approximately five times within two years, primarily due to infections in a wound I have. I’ve come close to losing my life about two times now. It truly will change your perspective. I had found a lump in my leg that we thought might be blood clots. Yesterday it was confirmed that no clots found anyplace! So now my doctor feels it’s cellulitus, which I’ve dealt with many times before(skin infection that can be deadly if not treated properly), and I’m on antibiotics. I’ll keep you all posted on what transpires, but in the meantime, I’m not going to worry at all. I place that in God’s capable hands, and I’m going to concentrate on being the best I can be, limitations or none. Never take anything for granted, friends. You just never know. Also, the most difficult things you face are opportunities that can shape you for life. If you let it be negative, it will. If you want to learn from the challenges and let it be a positive, it will. That’s the one control we have: our attitudes or altitudes in any given situation. I needed to add that. Thanks for reading, and God Bless You.

Love and Blessings,

Tina